This is the Begining

This December (2008) I celebrated 9 years of being in Christ. A lot of the past few years have been spent looking back on those first years of being a Christian. I remember what it was like to sit in a Sunday service with pen to paper completely enamored and soaking up every word that was being preached. I remember reading my bible and being shocked at the goodness and security found in every verse I read in the New Testament. I remember the firm foundation that was laid in the sovereignty of God by studying the first books of the Old Testament. I remember the eternal and urgent perspective stuck at the forefront of my mind by studying the book of Revelations. I remember sitting in Sunday school being taught the catechism and thinking I have so much to change this week and being excited at the opportunity because He was making all things new in me. I remember that new faith that would take a single verse believe it fully and act upon it boldly. I thanked God for these, but always looked back in sorrow as I felt I'd lost the fire for my first Love. So as I heaped condemnation on myself I'd always get pointed back to Philippians 1:6 - but I am confident of this very thing that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it till the day of Jesus Christ. So I'd pray God sanctify me grow me change me and restore to me the joy of my salvation. And putting it in His hands I'd leave it there. Until about 2 years ago I was talking to Mrs. Forsyth and she said He has given you everything pertaining to life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3)... it's in you. So I memorized that verse, knowing I didn't really understand it. But that began the process of meditation. And it wasn't until about a month ago when I decided to listen to Pastor Dave's Romans sermons again stating at around Chapter 5 with titles like "Breaking Sins Grip" (a five part-er), "Under New Ownership" and "The Law Cannot Sanctify You," that it really started to dawn on me... something I'd always known. At Calvary He didn't just save me from that horrible future punishment of sin, but from its power and not in the future in heaven where I am saved from the presence of sin, but right now... today! I was always one to pass the blame. And Romans 7:16-20: But if I do the very thing I do not want to do, I agree with the Law, confessing that the Law is good. So now, no longer am I the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; for the willing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not. For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want. But if I am doing the very thing I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me. - was a great place to go, really comforting in sinful times. But Pastor Dave totally ruined that and said it's not that. And he I'll never forget what he said: You can't repent of I can't, you can repent of I don't want to. James 1:13-14 says Let no one say when he is tempted, "I am being tempted by God," for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. So the responsibility to repent, to change, to grow - I began to realize really falls on me - that is me in Christ. Truly These are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and what is the immeasurable greatness of his power toward us who believe, according to the working of his great might (Ephesians 1:18-19). So the words sung by Reliant K really started to hit home... "I can't ask you to give what you already gave." This year God is really showing me the depths of the sin of my heart's rebellion. And so coming to the Upland campaign this year I was really ashamed, because like every year for the past 9 years whether another trip to Argentina, Mexico or Upland I wasn't ready. I hadn't prayed I hadn't studied my gospel scriptures. But all the years passed I shrugged it off, saying God is sovereign and He knew I was too busy. And surely in His grace He was faithful and used me and gave me the words I needed. But this year I was really ashamed to not be an approved workmen rightly dividing the word of truth. I was empty. I hadn't been able to take a FITT class, or be in an Oikos or be at CnC Wednesday night bible study, but surely I was feeding myself the word at home in quiet times... not exactly. A secular song writer wrote what if I could wake up every day with a clean slate... he didn't have any good suggestions. But I do get to wake up every day with a clean slate! So instead of heaping on condemnation being bogged down in the mud of yesterday repent and run the race! It took a couple of months after Upland Campaign of sliding down, when Christine Ottrando said stop sitting in the mud, and run with me! And by God's grace I repented... this was the battle between grace and pride. And now as I live out my 10th year of being found in Christ I want to run, for the days are drawing near when it will be like the days of Noah and the thoughts of men will be only evil continually. I want to know Him more. I want to know this joy I see in you all. I want to stop being a Pharisee and tear down the false laws I built up in my conscience and live with the joy I see in my brothers that are not compromising their love for God. It’s not found in using a balance to weigh spiritual activities against "fun" secular activities. A life of joy is lived in oneness with Christ in all we do.