"It is Finished"

The final words said by our Lord Christ on the cross have a whole new meaning.

Yes I am repeating myself, but it is so worth repeating!

I think that this too I had been told, but it wasn't hitting home. When He said it is finish, no it wasn't just the punishment, it was my being complete in Christ at the point of my salvation. Really? Are you serious? Is the Bible true?

His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire.
-2 Peter 1:3-4



I recall more in the journey that got me here (beyond what was written in "This is the Beginning")...

I felt like I was going to spontaneously com-bust Tuesday, so I could not sit down to write this until today. But really there was nothing spontaneous about it, it was a sovereignly predestined "coming apart at the seams" that I was experiencing.



Over three years ago I came across the verse in Ephesians which says "that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you a spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of him, having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and what is the immeasurable greatness of his power toward us who believe, according to the working of his great might" (1:17-19). I memorized it and prayed it for my father, who is unsaved. I wanted him to know what are the riches of the glorious inheritance in the saints, that he might want it and come to Christ. Little did I know the Apostle Paul was praying it for us, as believers. Little did I know I had not barely scratched the surface of the understanding of what these riches are myself.



A few months ago I listened to an old New Years sermon by Pastor Dave in which he pointed a similar verse out, I think it was from Colossians 1 "And so, from the day we heard, we have not ceased to pray for you, asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God. May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy, giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light. He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins." (9-14) and he said something to the effect of “imagine if we all prayed this for each other, what amazing things the Spirit of God would do.” I started praying that for us and myself. I didn't even know what I was praying for, but the Holy Spirit did.



Then yesterday I was randomly selecting sermons to listen to by John MacArthur and providentially listened to the one on Ephesians 1:17-19. He pointed out that only the Spirit can reveal this supernatural truth and that is why Paul broke out into prayer for them because he knew the Spirit must reveal it.


Stop here and listen to the sermon... www.gty.org - (2008) "Our Resources In Chirst" Part 1... it's only 20 min if you skip the intro and end (first 1.5 min and last 6 min.) then you won't want to stop and you can listen to both part 2's.

So basically it's a beautiful reality of Him completely having already given us everything we need to live a godly life, on top of the justification of our souls with the promise of heaven.

Now I know this power, and I have still only a small understanding, but it's there, and by God's grace will continue to grow. This is what I know I was never displaying before. This is indeed what my dad and all unbelievers will marvel at when they see it in action. This is what I have heard so many other Christians refer to, and I always knew I didn't get it. Oh my gosh! Now I do! I need to hold on to it, because Satan would like nothing more than to snatch it away (not that he can, but he can destroy my testimony by taking my joy).

So now I know how to pray for myself and all my brethren! And wouldn't you say that in every corner at FBC God is already manifesting this? He is doing great things for His glory... "and greater things are yet to come." SOLI DEO GLORIA!

Growing - His Grace Manifest

I crave holiness so much that in the past all it brought me to was a staggering halt into sinful self pity. These past few months have been a whirl wind experience as I have seen a joy in others that I desired to have and God showed me how. Since then I have been able to fight off the deep falls of sorrow and put on this true joy that did not often characterize me before. I learned once again to take joy in every trial knowing God was pursuing me (1 Peter 1:7-10), drawing my heart to Himself again. I learned, not how to take sin lightly but to take it to the cross and see my Savior who made an end to it. I entered into the rest of Christ, indeed His yoke is easy and His burden is light. Oh, for how long this stupid lamb did not take up that light yoke but kept the full weight of a burden that wasn't hers any longer.

The battle continues (Jeremiah 17:9). The battle to have joy (1 Thess 5:16). The battle to remember how much indeed He loves me (John 3:16). The battle to be contentedly discontent with who I am today and not long to be the me of tomorrow right now, and to remember that I can change whatever needs to be because Christ is alive in me (Gal 2:20).

He is so gracious to allow us to grow. When I stop the self pity and realize that God indeed is working in me and has given me all I need to grow, I can see it happening right then. There is such joy in that. And great, great joy in realizing that I'll never know it all, but from now until eternity I get to increase in my knowledge of God! WOW! For He is eternal and so far above us! I really love that!

And yet my joy can be so quickly snatched away. Why? I fight in prayer to get it back, search my thoughts for what went wrong. I already have it, right? Is it just my emotions and I am listening to them too much just then, as John MacArthur warns?

I fought this today battle again today, but all of a sudden it went away, completely. It's so hard for me to believe that He loves me the way He does. But then I looked at my sister in Christ and absolutely knew & felt that He loved her unconditionally, as I knew the love I had for her is from Him. And then I remembered He loves me too like that and I believed it. I think it's all about His love. Where else can true unchanging unwavering joy be derived from? But love that is true unchanging and unwavering from the One who is true unchanging and unwavering. This was the key tonight. Is this the key always?

If you suffer, as I, like a lamb, continually forgetting the greatness of His love, you need to hear CJ Mahaney's sermon on the doctrine of adoption (click here to download).

Any other suggestions?

Regrets

It started off well. I wanted to be bold, not afraid. Share all that Christ is doing in me. But then I lost all confidence. If indeed, as John Piper says, all things exist to magnify Christ, and I believe that, and I know especially in the lives of His children all things happen to glorify the Father, then I should be confident. And it is my sole desire to glorify Him.

I am zealous, but lack time. I now regret deleting & editing entries, miss ordering events, and not writing all the things I have wanted to in the last month, for they have been GREAT things, and continue still, each day and each moment, and I never want to forget. Holy Spirit please help.

Forgive me Father for being afraid, for you have not given us a spirit of fear, but of boldness.

I don't want to hide this crazy me. I was told on Sunday that I was a deep well, passionate. I cried "It's a gift!" they said, "most call it a burden," and I said "I wouldn't have it any other way." My writing may not always be clear, for thoughts come much too quickly and are deep and have limitless rabbit trails tied to them. But the message is there. And if it's true that circumstances don't make or break us, but reveal us, then it must be that He created my personality to be just the way it is, and we are not products of our surroundings. So if I am fearfully and wonderfully made to glorify Him, I don't want to hide it. Pride, please don't get in the way. Humility, please be with me always.

I am really writing to myself, for He doesn't call me a lamb for no reason.

I am learning, I am changing, I am walking. I want to run, but He says I just have to finish the race. So I will learn patience and contentment in this too.

It becomes harder and harder to spend 10 hours a day, 50 hours a week trying to focus your mind on the "things below" while at work, when I have an insatiable desire to seek out the mysteries of my God. Can I learn the contentment I had not so long ago? To know that He is molding me too in that place and has entrusted me to a stewardship for the building of His kingdom. And to rejoice as Paul did that others were preaching the gospel, and I add, growing in their knowledge of Him. But I am rejoicing and guess what, He's growing me too and has given me opportunities to share continually, I just have to recognize it and obey.

I have been given many stewardships, many desires, many callings. Foolishly I have only recently begun to ask for wisdom, and finally I have begun to make the changes people have been telling my I needed to for years. Whenever there was a need I wanted to fulfill it, but a friend told me "the need isn't always the calling." The heart of why I did what I did was put best by John MacArthur in a sermon I listened to today, wish I could remember what it was that he said or which sermon it was... was it in the introduction to Ephesians? Anyway, I have been pondering these things (God has been giving me much instruction through many on this subject in the past few months) and I have sought to be content to ask each day what to do with my time, and then be content with what I did do and didn't do, with some evaluation of what priorities should be altered. I recently listened to some excellent sermons of his on "The Art of Self-Discipline." Beautifully and amazingly instructional and motivational directly from God's word. They're are helping me greatly with handling life right now.

Okay so I was re-reading this entry from the start to retrace my thoughts and remember where I was going from the last paragraph (since I paused my train of thoughts to look up the John MacArthur sermon on gty.org, which I will take the time right now in this aside to say YOU MUST LISTEN TO THE FOLLOWING SERMONS: "Our Resources in Christ" "Coming Alive in Christ" "Rejoicing Always" "Praying Unceasingly." These caused me to come to tears of joy this Monday while in my office, because God was confirming and furthering my understanding of all that He has given me, which then turned to screaming (when I got in my car at 5) in prayer of shock and thanksgiving and wonder that He would reveal such glorious things, it was everything God taught as lightly recorded in "This is the Beginning." But I don't want it to take 9 years for others to get it. Oh no I just remembered that was going to be a whole other blog... back to this one).

And so re-reading my first few words (of this blog) and saying "I don't have enough time," I am ashamed. Wayne Burrows asked me not to long ago, about my desires to go to the mission field. In that hour long conversation on point he brought up was "What if you were diagnosed with a disease and only had a week left to live? Wouldn't that be great because then you wouldn't care about anything but sharing Christ, right?" "Yeah!" "What if they gave you two months to live, wouldn't that be better?" "Yeah!" "What if they gave you two years?" "What about 80?" I hung my head. But we do preach the gospel everyday with our own lives. Oh to exhaust that one, I've only scratched the surface.

So I come today, back to this blog (which I have wanted to write in multiple times a day since I started it) because I heard that a man of 27 with a wife and 3 children died of cancer last Friday. He was bold to the end, preaching the gospel and writing on his blog. And guess what he had joy.

No, your blogs won't be perfect, Jen, but let he who boasts, boast in the Lord. In my weakness may His strength be shown that HE BE GLORIFIED!

this blog published without editing or reading through for errors or readability... I don't have time... I have more to write... and much much much more to learn

Questions I have to ask myself from time to time...

A weakness in character or a personality trait?


A personal conviction or pure legalism?



Pleasing God or appeasing God?

or

Loving God or earning God?



Holier than thou or holding fast to my conviction?


Duty or devotion?

I don't want to Forget

This past Sunday my little sister, Jacquelyn (16), was baptized. Her seemingly insurmountable fear of speaking in front of 400 people, she overcame. She could not resist her Lord calling her to obedience any longer. She was even given the opportunity to do it in front of a small group of her selected peers, but instead chose for herself to do it before all the congregation of our church.

For the three weeks leading up to it, it was all she could think about. Nerves were her best friend, along with sweaty palms, even that morning before we left the house when she said "I don't want to do it" to which I did not reply, because I knew she would. No amount of prayer from the night before, to moments before, would calm that shaking girl. I thought about this. Why didn't the Lord calm her anxieties (as Philippians 4:6-7 says)? All the more glory to Him for us to know His strength in her weakness. Even thought we're terrified He will still be glorified.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

God's faithfulness, providence, patients and loving kindness was revealed in a stunning way immediately after this act of obedience.

On Sunday my parents came to witness my sister's baptism. God had prepared the gospel for them. Yes, many of you heard it... Romans 10:9-10... "Gospel Clarity" - that was the sermon Pastor David prepared that day! We are not worthy... what is man that God should be mindful of him? Yet He chooses to reveal Himself over and over So for an hour we listen to the gospel preached with beautiful eloquence and clarity from Pastor David.

Then after service we were surrounded by faithful brothers and sisters meeting and talking with our parents... and I know the rest of you were watching and praying out of love for us... of which I feel so unworthy! I am so thankful for you.

Then my parents were invited to lunch by the Ottrandos with Leif Jensen and the Rios family. This was something Jackie and I always hoped for, because if the gospel does not take root and grow immediately then you must have a relationship to carry on the seeds. After two hours of conversation with my mom and dad, which was a miracle in itself, to see my parents that comfortable with people they have not known long, the faithfulness of a man who loves God, spoke up and said "I cannot leave today without telling you the reason for all of this." Tom Rios then proceeded to tell the gospel in a beautiful fashion.

Immediately tears ran down my face, and for the next hour no one could stop them. My first thoughts were I can't believe this is happening. If I had not been in a state of surreal-ness since the night before Jackie's baptism and that morning during service, I was certainly in one now. Again who is man that God should be mindful of him? I am not worthy. I felt the beauty of proclaiming the good news unlike I'd ever felt in my whole entire life. Getting to sit at a table and hear the gospel being preached to the man you love most... there were no words only uncontrolled tears, yes for an hour, in which God used all three men, Tom, Louis and Leif, to say exactly what needed to be said. Issues of the past that needed to be reconciled were explained... I am not worthy. What is man?

I have shared the gospel with my dad, what feels like countless times now. So something in your spirit just knows that today there will be no communion of spirit found within. So the tears turned to sadness.

My crying turned to weeping when it was all over and I turned to thank these men for what they had done.

My parents left. I stayed. On the car ride back to church with the Ottrandos the tears and thinking proceeded. Satan was looking for an in. I don't know how he got it, but he did. He took my joy. A truly awesome thing had just occurred, one worthy of rejoicing over for a long time, but he got me. Many of my brothers and sister saw me and prayed for me that evening, I am not worthy.

The attack and call back to the mud was short lived. I had to reconcile the events of that day, which was prevented till nightfall. By that night it was over, another victory, another lesson in trust. This is what I came to... That morning in service as I sat next to my father hearing the gospel in a frozen state, I asked myself what I was expecting. That evening I finally realized I needed and wanted to see in him a surrender to God... I instantly thought "I need to surrender." I must trust Him and desire His glory above all else.

What happened today? God revealed Himself to my father. What is man? God is gracious. He gave him yet another opportunity to see Him. It was God's loving kindness that moved in Jacquelyn's heart to obey and come to the waters of baptism that day that would bring my dad to church that day. God is Love. He is patient, He is kind. And if He foreknew him, He will call him, He will justify him, He will sanctify him and He will glorify him.

The Intro.

What am I? A repentant sinner, by His Grace! Here I will share this journey. I will not be afraid to be raw, for such was Christ for me.

For even into these things angels long to look.

And I want to see it too, so I will strive to recognize it, because He promised it would be there everyday of my life in Him. So here I will write of the battles, the joys, triumphs and sorrows... "for all things exist to magnify Christ"!

May you be encouraged and challenged. May we find much to rejoice in God for.

And may no heresy be found here, if so please be quick to rebuke it.


May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus, that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God.
-Romans 15:5-7