Growing - His Grace Manifest

I crave holiness so much that in the past all it brought me to was a staggering halt into sinful self pity. These past few months have been a whirl wind experience as I have seen a joy in others that I desired to have and God showed me how. Since then I have been able to fight off the deep falls of sorrow and put on this true joy that did not often characterize me before. I learned once again to take joy in every trial knowing God was pursuing me (1 Peter 1:7-10), drawing my heart to Himself again. I learned, not how to take sin lightly but to take it to the cross and see my Savior who made an end to it. I entered into the rest of Christ, indeed His yoke is easy and His burden is light. Oh, for how long this stupid lamb did not take up that light yoke but kept the full weight of a burden that wasn't hers any longer.

The battle continues (Jeremiah 17:9). The battle to have joy (1 Thess 5:16). The battle to remember how much indeed He loves me (John 3:16). The battle to be contentedly discontent with who I am today and not long to be the me of tomorrow right now, and to remember that I can change whatever needs to be because Christ is alive in me (Gal 2:20).

He is so gracious to allow us to grow. When I stop the self pity and realize that God indeed is working in me and has given me all I need to grow, I can see it happening right then. There is such joy in that. And great, great joy in realizing that I'll never know it all, but from now until eternity I get to increase in my knowledge of God! WOW! For He is eternal and so far above us! I really love that!

And yet my joy can be so quickly snatched away. Why? I fight in prayer to get it back, search my thoughts for what went wrong. I already have it, right? Is it just my emotions and I am listening to them too much just then, as John MacArthur warns?

I fought this today battle again today, but all of a sudden it went away, completely. It's so hard for me to believe that He loves me the way He does. But then I looked at my sister in Christ and absolutely knew & felt that He loved her unconditionally, as I knew the love I had for her is from Him. And then I remembered He loves me too like that and I believed it. I think it's all about His love. Where else can true unchanging unwavering joy be derived from? But love that is true unchanging and unwavering from the One who is true unchanging and unwavering. This was the key tonight. Is this the key always?

If you suffer, as I, like a lamb, continually forgetting the greatness of His love, you need to hear CJ Mahaney's sermon on the doctrine of adoption (click here to download).

Any other suggestions?