This I prayed. This He revealed. Where? In my home, the place where God has shown me the most abundant compassion, patients, grace and mercy. I need to be sanctified and His means is always through the place we are. Thankfully, not my will but His is always done. God is faithful.
I spent much of my evenings this week at home. I even got to share the gospel with my dad again on Tuesday night. Something quickly robbed my joy in that though. It hasn't been an easy week, although work has been dramatically better! Praise and thanks be to God for that!
Forgive me Lord for I hear my hearts dissatisfaction right now. Bless the Lord o my soul and forget non of His benefits.
The Lord has really been gracious to my family. He has been so very merciful and patient with me. Relationships have been greatly healed through much repentance and forgiveness and grace.
What should my response be? God is merciful to me the sinner! Rejoice Jennifer, rejoice!
Yes God is sovereign even over my sin! My sin is still my own transgression before God, but that doesn't stop Him from ever accomplishing His will! What is causing me to have to learn this glorious truth again? What is going on here?
I have been so distraught over the fact that my sin at work and home was not bringing God glory and it has been killing me! So then I feel the pressure of being perfect before unbelievers, which is a total lie!
So this is where the struggle is. I know I'm not going to be perfect even though I am called to be. That is why Christ came and saved my while I yet sin and made me perfect while I yet sin and dwells within me while I yet sin.
Lessons Late in Life
Blessings come with obedience. Namely joy. John 15:10-11
Sin comes with consequences.
Why do we laugh at ourselves? Because we do stupid things and it's not insulting to each other to laugh along, it actually bring much needed joy to get through in this fallen world.
Life was never meant to be this hard. We plunged ourselves and this world into sin that would make it so. So we have compassion on each other and ourselves. When we state the fact that it is hot, yeah it is, and that is not necessarily a complaint.
We don't show compassion for sin, but the sinner. Hate the sin, not the sinner.
Accusations harden the heart, questions prick the conscience.
My opinion is not needed or desired unless first asked for.
But yes I had a fallen yet, sovereignly ordained upbringing that would not tend to beginning to learn these lessons until now. And really only I am to blame, I have a rebellious and deceitful heart and God is merciful to me the chief of sinners.
I'm sorry this blog has been so depressing lately, and self centered. I am not content to miss out writing about the good stuff. God has granted some great victories, truly great victories. I need to be patient with this process. Patient with the waiting for my dad's salvation. Patient with finding the balance between saying no and saying yes to time with family, time with the brethren and time in ministry. For many that all gets rolled into one. They are very blessed, but so am I. I shall not take Satan's temptation to be bitter over such things, for I know that God is doing great things in me. I have fought this temptation I once so habitually fell into, for quite a while. I will seek to resist. I must rejoice again in God's great work, both through me and apart from me. I shall not let my spiritual pride get in the way, or my selfishness or self pity. Not by the flesh can this be done, only in the spirit, the Spirit of God dwelling within me. So I ask Father, forgive me of these sins and grant unto me repentance and give me grace to grow tomorrow. Teach me Your way O Lord, unite my heart to fear Your Name, and cause me to walk in righteousness for your namesake.
I just feel lately like it's never enough, and surly it is not. But I am discontent with what is possible and the efforts I am making, maybe because others are discontent with my efforts. Yes that is it. I keep getting told that and it hurts.
I am going to talk about the good stuff for a while and publish those great songs that bring such blessed comfort and talk about God's great work in the ministries I get to witness, I will tell of His great work in others lives.
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