Again?! Yes!

"Simon, Simon, behold, Satan demanded to have you, that he might sift you like wheat, but I have prayed for you that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned again, strengthen your brothers."
-Luke 22:31-32

So after another battle yesterday, well not so much "after," I had the opportunity to see my life long best friend. Her brother was playing at a singer/song writer showcase in the town where I live, so I thought it would be a great opportunity to see her again. As I sat with these Christians and listened to a couple of them sing songs, God ever graciously reminded me of the gracious rare gift He's given me, a truth telling Bible church and a blessed faithful family in Christ on fire for Him.

After he played, at 10pm on a Saturday night, after a 6th day of work, I was persuaded to go hang out with them. This proved to be profitable. My best friend and I got some alone time. We talked until 1AM. She said to me, I've never felt so far from God, and I know He's right there and it's just me. She said, I know this is going to sound crazy, but I feel like Satan is right there attacking me. I said nope that does not sound crazy. Yes, I got to encourage her with what I've been going through and learned.

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I know Satan worked to get my eyes on myself these past few weeks. I knew it was sinful and unprofitable, knowing full well the struggles of others, more perilous than mine. A new believer struggling to keep from falling back into the old life, a little sister stressed with high school life, a sister in Christ suffering great physical ailments, and many others.

I don't want to keep my eyes on myself for that long again. This is this weeks conclusion from the battle. . . I want to grow in mental strength. That's where the fight is, to argue with ourselves, with the truth of the word just as Jesus Christ did with Satan. The truth that came to mind to pull me out this time was the hope that God will change me. Indeed He is faithful, and will. I want to put all my trust in that. I don't want to suffer with the fight for joy as often as I do now. I trust God will help, only He can! He promised to too. Hooray!
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So yesterday coming home from working for my mom and dad (before going to the show) when I couldn't hold back the tears to hide them from my parents, I said okay just walk in, it's okay, the tears are real, you don't have to be afraid to show them.

Oh, God is awesome, so awesome. I'll continue. . .

My parents were on there way out with friends, but my dad followed me back into the house and asked what was wrong and said I could talk to him and that it made him sad I was sad. I said I know, and that it would pass, I was just sad.

I don't think they'd seen me cry in a long time. It used to be a regular habit.

Well tonight at dinner with just my mom and dad we started on the gospel again.

Emily, it was totally providential that you gave me that Spanish Bible this afternoon. And that I got the Romans road in Sunday School that morning. After trying to answer his many questions, asking him the 4 world view questions, and trying to pull out scripture from memory to apply to what he was saying, which was so hard, I pulled out the Roman's road and Spanish Bible and started reading though it. Well he is still quite blind. My mom saw that. He asks question after question after question, and I never feel like I really answered one or like he payed attention to the answer before asking another. He finally wanted to hit home and said let's take you for example. He asked if I thought I was making my own form of God in my conscience when I would spend more time with my church friends at the neglect of my own family. Because I had made an example of man seeking after a god according to their own standards, like a god who is okay with divorce or greed etc. So he asked if I consciously thought that God was okay with me neglecting my family to be with other believers. I said no, God had shown me I was in sin and being disobedient and rebellious to what His will actually was and that I'd been asking forgiveness for it and that He promises to change me. He said okay I see, or something and then my mom chimed in. She said "It's like Ofelia used to tell me 'why do you think you're so sinful? We're not sinful.' But I know God's word says we're all sinners and I am sinful and when you see her (Jennifer) crying it's because she is sorry about her sin." She said more good stuff too. I almost started crying right then! That was so the Holy Spirit talking, and it was such a blessed thing to hear my mom say those things.

God is truly abundantly gracious to man. Patient, long suffering. He is definitely showing He is love. I have no promise that my dad will come to know a saving faith in God. But it seems like it's going to be a slow process breaking down each barrier. Well as long as he's alive, God is giving un-deserved second chances with every passing second. God is gracious. I will seek to be obedient, and fall on my face for grace with-in and with-out of obedience.

Tonight my dad did confess his own sinfulness, he said everyday I know I am a sinner. Good, we're making progress.

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.
-Philippians 1:6